My Encounter With Boris The Spider

Anyone else know the song, “Boris The Spider” by The Who? It’s about a spider creeping around who gets smashed dead by a book. A relatively universal topic for a song and one that is perfect for Halloween. Yesterday, just in time for my favorite holiday, I had my own Boris The Spider encounter…

On my lunch break at work, I went to Macy’s to try on some clothes. I got into the dressing room with a handful of items. I removed my top, looked down and noticed a spider on my chest! I was mortified. How long had it been there? Where did it come from? Had it been on my skin for a while or was it originally just on top of my shirt? There were other people in nearby dressing rooms so I didn’t want to scream, which would have been my go-to response. Instead, I quickly brushed the thing off me, while simultaneously scratching my skin. I didn’t care though; I had more important things to worry about.

I examined the spider which had landed unharmed on the floor of the dressing room. I could see the feet of someone in the dressing room next to mine. I couldn’t let this terror of a spider roam freely, scaring other people. I brought this jerk into the room, I would see to it that it would be taken care of. I didn’t really want to kill the thing, but I didn’t have any other option. I stepped down onto it with my shoe and lifted my foot. “Boris” crawled around. The fact that I tried to kill this spider and it seemed to be living to tell the tale would not stand with me so I stepped on it again, harder this time. When I lifted my foot the second time, lo and behold, there was a crumpled up spider on the floor.

However, being my overly considerate self, I couldn’t let there be a dead spider on the dressing room floor- a place where many people might be standing barefoot. I didn’t have anything to wipe up the guts with so I decided to… wipe the guts around into the floor so at the very least, nobody would question the evidence. Although this was a disgusting “solution,” it did seem to work. Only problem was that I had managed to mush the dead spider into the crevices of my shoe. I felt like this spider was determined to follow me around, be it alive or dead.

Eventually I was able to scrape my shoe off on the sidewalk, but now I feel like the spider community is out to get me for the killing of one of its perverted members. No spider can peep at my chest. No thank you.

boris_the_spider_2009_by_hayleyphillips

This story was brought to you by my annual Halloween 10 Day Countdown. 10 days to go!

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