My Encounter With Boris The Spider

Anyone else know the song, “Boris The Spider” by The Who? It’s about a spider creeping around who gets smashed dead by a book. A relatively universal topic for a song and one that is perfect for Halloween. Yesterday, just in time for my favorite holiday, I had my own Boris The Spider encounter…

On my lunch break at work, I went to Macy’s to try on some clothes. I got into the dressing room with a handful of items. I removed my top, looked down and noticed a spider on my chest! I was mortified. How long had it been there? Where did it come from? Had it been on my skin for a while or was it originally just on top of my shirt? There were other people in nearby dressing rooms so I didn’t want to scream, which would have been my go-to response. Instead, I quickly brushed the thing off me, while simultaneously scratching my skin. I didn’t care though; I had more important things to worry about.

I examined the spider which had landed unharmed on the floor of the dressing room. I could see the feet of someone in the dressing room next to mine. I couldn’t let this terror of a spider roam freely, scaring other people. I brought this jerk into the room, I would see to it that it would be taken care of. I didn’t really want to kill the thing, but I didn’t have any other option. I stepped down onto it with my shoe and lifted my foot. “Boris” crawled around. The fact that I tried to kill this spider and it seemed to be living to tell the tale would not stand with me so I stepped on it again, harder this time. When I lifted my foot the second time, lo and behold, there was a crumpled up spider on the floor.

However, being my overly considerate self, I couldn’t let there be a dead spider on the dressing room floor- a place where many people might be standing barefoot. I didn’t have anything to wipe up the guts with so I decided to… wipe the guts around into the floor so at the very least, nobody would question the evidence. Although this was a disgusting “solution,” it did seem to work. Only problem was that I had managed to mush the dead spider into the crevices of my shoe. I felt like this spider was determined to follow me around, be it alive or dead.

Eventually I was able to scrape my shoe off on the sidewalk, but now I feel like the spider community is out to get me for the killing of one of its perverted members. No spider can peep at my chest. No thank you.


This story was brought to you by my annual Halloween 10 Day Countdown. 10 days to go!

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